Episode 3
3 . Love Languages
Do you know the five love languages? And more importantly, do you know which one your partner values most? We're talking about our preferred love languages, how your favorite one can change over the course of your relationship.
Please reach out! Relationship, dating or marriage stories, questions or messages to: thosemarriedidiots@gmail.com
Chapters
00:00 - Intro
00:35 - The Birds and the... spiders?
04:00 - Refrigerator Moms
5:38 - Love languages
10:26 - Anniversary Gifts
14:40 - Receiving vs. Giving
18:05 - Open book, closed book
23:24 - Validation will make them melt
26:18 - Date Idea
29:32 - Outro
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Transcript
Your main love language.
Speaker B:Would I like to receive or give?
Speaker A:Receive.
Speaker A:Okay, 100% is all five, all the time.
Speaker A:It's so true.
Speaker B:It is all five, all the time.
Speaker A:And if one goes out, you're mad at me.
Speaker B:We're divorcing.
Speaker B:I don't know what's happening.
Speaker B:You're never gonna talk to me.
Speaker B:So since this episode, we're gonna be talking about love languages.
Speaker B:It made me think of one of my favorite animals in.
Speaker B:What was the name of the show?
Speaker A:The Secret Lives of Animals.
Speaker B:It made me think of this animal I loved in Secret Lives of Animals and their love language.
Speaker B:It was this bird in California.
Speaker B:And the way it finds its mate is they have to be able to.
Speaker B:They do this dance, kind of looks like this, but their head is up and their.
Speaker B:Their feet are flapping.
Speaker B:It's almost like they're dancing on the water.
Speaker B:And they have to do it in perfect sync with each other.
Speaker B:If they're not in sync, they are not a match.
Speaker B:So I feel like that's.
Speaker B:It's so cute.
Speaker B:And when they go and they're dancing together and it's in sync, they're like, oh, we're bonded for life.
Speaker A:They.
Speaker A:But they.
Speaker A:They don't.
Speaker A:They pick a new bird.
Speaker B:I know, but it's bonded for the season.
Speaker B:But it's so freaking cute.
Speaker A:It is very cute.
Speaker A:I think they're called like the.
Speaker A:A Pacific grebe or something.
Speaker A:I know the bird is called a gre.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:In California.
Speaker B:And it's.
Speaker A:They probably filmed that in Castaic.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:Like, that's what I thought.
Speaker B:Yeah, like.
Speaker A:Like, I would guess so.
Speaker B:Yeah, something like that.
Speaker A:Yeah, they were adorable.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:Oh, wait, there's one.
Speaker A:We got another one.
Speaker B:This one.
Speaker B:Okay, this is the last one, and then we'll dive in.
Speaker B:But there's this.
Speaker B:It was a bug, and I don't.
Speaker A:Know about the spider.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So there was a spider, and I don't like insects.
Speaker B:So when.
Speaker B:When any insect episode comes on, I'm like, oh, I don't want to watch this Fast forwarded.
Speaker B:But this one was fascinating because the male has to impress the female spider.
Speaker A:Well, that's not actually that.
Speaker A:That's not uncommon out in the animal kingdom.
Speaker A:The guy, it is his job to impress the female.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker A:And they do.
Speaker A:They do different things.
Speaker A:Like, they either just dismiss them or they kill them or that they will.
Speaker A:That's what this one does, right?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So this spider in particular, will.
Speaker A:The male spider, has to do a dance.
Speaker A:That's the other weird Thing about nature, I feel like there's so many dances and peacocking and all the animals.
Speaker A:Yeah, all the animals have to be like, look at my plumage.
Speaker A:Look at how bright my feathers are.
Speaker A:Look at how long my antenna is.
Speaker A:Look at how quaffed my fur.
Speaker A:And then the female goes like, all right, maybe I'm into it.
Speaker A:And then when you get to the really big animals, it's like, look how huge I am and how many of our kind I can kill to fight for you.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:But everyone has their different way.
Speaker A:These spiders, he has to do a dance where he, like, sticks up his front legs and he, like, flicks them.
Speaker A:But that's just the beginning.
Speaker B:And if she's unimpressed, which this spider, if she's unimpressed, she will eat him.
Speaker A:She was giving him the glass eyes of just like.
Speaker A:I haven't decided yet.
Speaker A:So he's, like, flicking harder and faster, and then he's, like, moving his legs.
Speaker A:He was desperate.
Speaker A:He was like, I gotta.
Speaker A:This is my shot.
Speaker B:And then he starts.
Speaker B:He does, like, a tap dance with his feet.
Speaker A:Like a pa, pa, pa.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker B:And then she was into it and was like, okay, you can mate with me.
Speaker A:You can mate with me and you can live.
Speaker B:Now, is that love language?
Speaker B:I feel like it is.
Speaker A:I feel that's more in the survival category, but we'll just call it love.
Speaker A:Welcome to those married idiots, y'all.
Speaker A:We're back for another episode.
Speaker B:We've made it this far.
Speaker B:We're still alive.
Speaker A:We're determined to keep doing this whether you like us or not.
Speaker B:How do you like my big, cozy 90s sweater?
Speaker A:It's definitely sweatshirt.
Speaker A:Hopefully there's enough people listening now where they're like, maybe I'll.
Speaker A:I'll actually hit subscribe.
Speaker A:Or is it just our parents and, like, three of our friends coming in?
Speaker B:I don't say that.
Speaker B:I don't even know if I want our parents listening.
Speaker A:You know, I don't think there's anything we can do to stop it.
Speaker A:I feel like we both have.
Speaker A:I have this term that I use affectionately, which is refrigerator mom.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Okay, so.
Speaker A:And by the way, we have friends who have kids.
Speaker A:So if you are listening to this and you are a refrigerator mom, I salute you.
Speaker A:But also, you're ridiculous.
Speaker A:So a refrigerator mom is when you're, like, a proud mom.
Speaker A:It's my version of proud mom, where any drawing that the kid makes goes on the refrigerator.
Speaker B:Oh, I see.
Speaker A:Like, instant.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter if it's good.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter if it's bad if they get a good report card.
Speaker A:Anything they do that is noteworthy goes on the fridge.
Speaker A:Refrigerator mom.
Speaker B:Oh, that's funny.
Speaker B:I haven't heard that before.
Speaker A:Well, I coined it because my mother is the ultimate refrigerator.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And I love her so much for it.
Speaker B:So cute.
Speaker A:But it is, like, undeniable.
Speaker A:She's such a proud mom, to the point where I can't trust any praise that she gives me.
Speaker A:Like, I love it, and it keeps me going, but can't trust it.
Speaker B:I don't know if my parents are refrigerator parents.
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:No, I guess not.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:But that's okay.
Speaker A:They're proud parents.
Speaker B:Proud parents in their own way.
Speaker B:Absolutely.
Speaker B:But, yeah.
Speaker B:So this week we're gonna be discussing the five love languages, which Alyssa just found out existed.
Speaker B:Didn't just find out.
Speaker B:I just didn't know them by heart.
Speaker B:Yeah, I knew some of them.
Speaker A:Wait, wait, you have them pulled up?
Speaker A:I knew four of them, but I haven't.
Speaker A:I don't have anything in front of me, so let's see if I can figure them out.
Speaker A:All right, you ready?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:The five love languages probably are acts of service.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Quality time, Words of affirmation, physical touch.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Exosurice.
Speaker A:Physical touch.
Speaker A:Quality time, and Alyssa's favorite.
Speaker A:Receiving gifts.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:I wouldn't say that's my favorite, though.
Speaker A:It says a lot that that's the one that I didn't think.
Speaker B:I just pointed you guys to my earrings so that he could clue into the fact that it is, indeed receiving gifts.
Speaker A:But those are the five love languages.
Speaker A:And I think there is always a lot to unpack when you have any two people who are together and together as long as we've been.
Speaker A:And, like, we have different ways that we express love in the languages that we choose to use and then the ones that we expect back.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And I think that especially for people who have different love languages, that can be a challenge that you have to overcome.
Speaker B:Because if you are someone who loves physical touch and you're with someone who doesn't really appreciate physical touch or doesn't give.
Speaker B:Or doesn't give.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker A:If they appreciate it.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:That's something you have to kind of talk out.
Speaker B:And I feel like when we started dating, we were very different in our love languages, and we've had to learn each other's.
Speaker B:And how to.
Speaker B:How to meld together.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think we're still different in our love languages, but we.
Speaker A:We're fluent now.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think that also comes with the difference in personalities.
Speaker A:Like, I consider myself a More organized, analytical, you know, left brain.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think left brain's not the creative one.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Right brain's the creative one.
Speaker B:Oh, I have no idea.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:And then you're more of the creative driven ideas.
Speaker A:They come, they go, they pop up, they disappear.
Speaker A:Like you're just in that creative incubator all the time where you're just like.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I was curious.
Speaker B:I did look up the Aries and Libra's love languages.
Speaker A:You're bringing this back to astrology again.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:I find it interesting.
Speaker B:I just like to run things by.
Speaker B:But it usually is accurate.
Speaker B:Like it says.
Speaker B:It says that the Libras love language.
Speaker B:Guess what it said?
Speaker B:Acts of service.
Speaker A:See, I.
Speaker B:Okay, that is so your love language.
Speaker A:Mine?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:It's what you do.
Speaker A:It's what I do.
Speaker B:But it's what I mean.
Speaker B:That's what I mean.
Speaker B:It's what you do, what you give your partner.
Speaker A:But is it saying that Aries expect acts of service?
Speaker B:No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker B:It's saying that Libras give acts of service as their love language.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I feel like that's the most boring, obvious one.
Speaker A:Like, that makes so much sense.
Speaker B:And Aries give physical affection, physical touch.
Speaker B:That's their thing.
Speaker A:You are a cuddler.
Speaker B:I'm such a cuddler.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm like, if you aren't cuddling me, you're clearly mad at me.
Speaker A:I think that your main love language, like, your undeniable favorite love language, like.
Speaker B:What I like to receive or give.
Speaker A:Receive.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:100% is all five, all the time.
Speaker A:It's so true.
Speaker B:When I was looking at this, to think like, what is my love language?
Speaker B:It is all five, all the time.
Speaker A:And as one goes out, you're mad at me.
Speaker B:We're divorcing.
Speaker B:I don't know what's happening.
Speaker B:You're never gonna talk to me again.
Speaker A:Or you're mad at me.
Speaker A:Because it depends on which one.
Speaker A:Cause if acts of service goes out, it's like, oh, he doesn't care.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker A:But if physical touch goes out, it's.
Speaker A:Oh, he finds me.
Speaker A:Hideous.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:But I was able to.
Speaker B:For me to narrow it down to what I feel like my two love, most important love languages are, in terms of what I receive, what I like to receive.
Speaker A:For anyone listening, you and me are finding this out together.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Well, I think it is.
Speaker B:I do love.
Speaker B:Which is one of the reasons I love you.
Speaker B:Acts of service, that you perform helpful actions toward me.
Speaker B:That and quality time.
Speaker B:In fact, I can tell you that that is One of them.
Speaker B:Fun little story.
Speaker B:Our one year anniversary, I had.
Speaker B:I wanted to get Alex something.
Speaker A:Well, we both.
Speaker A:Sidebar.
Speaker A:We both did, like, really creative gift.
Speaker B:They said for the gift for our one year, we were gonna have to make something for each other.
Speaker A:I think you probably said that.
Speaker B:Probably.
Speaker B:So I decided to give him a box with 365.
Speaker A:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Speaker A:You gotta do justice.
Speaker A:It was this dainty glass case.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:It was, like, latched.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And you gave it to me, and it just had a million different colored papers in it.
Speaker A:And I had no idea what was in it.
Speaker A:I just saw paper in a box.
Speaker B:So what was in the.
Speaker B:Yeah, it was multicolored paper in a box.
Speaker B:And it was.
Speaker B:365 reasons.
Speaker B:Cause we'd been with each other for a year.
Speaker B:365 reasons why I love you.
Speaker B:But then we were.
Speaker A:Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker A:I don't think you expected me to look at all 365.
Speaker A:Like, I think part of it was.
Speaker B:Well, I did.
Speaker B:I wanted to sit down and read through them with you all365.
Speaker B:I didn't spend that time for nothing.
Speaker A:Well, we did that.
Speaker A:We were in Big Bear.
Speaker B:We did.
Speaker A:We rented a cabin in Big Bear, and I started pulling them out, and they were beautiful.
Speaker A:It was like, some of them were really particular of things that I do, and then some of them were just pillars of a relationship.
Speaker A:Like, you make time for me, and.
Speaker B:You make time for me, and I.
Speaker A:Love that you make time for me.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:So I may have put multiple you make time for me without realizing it.
Speaker A:Well, I still don't know, because when you deconstruct this thing, it was clear that it was typed out and then printed and then printed and then cut.
Speaker A:So you just, like, wrote 365 sentences.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And then printed the page and then, like, individually cut.
Speaker A:So I.
Speaker A:My conspiracy theory of the week is that maybe you, like, copy and paste it because you ran out of ideas.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Yeah, maybe.
Speaker B:Well, maybe.
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:But needless to say, that is definitely one of the two most important.
Speaker B:Quality time.
Speaker B:You make time for me.
Speaker B:Dedicated time spent together.
Speaker B:No cell phones.
Speaker A:Quality time.
Speaker A:Definitely important and good to know.
Speaker A:So acts of service and quality time, I feel like those are acts of service is me to a T as a human being.
Speaker A:Like, my friends, my family, you, anyone that I care about.
Speaker B:Almost to a fault.
Speaker A:Absolutely to a fault.
Speaker A:I'm aware of this.
Speaker A:If I am asked for help, like, even more than hangout time, if a friend's like, we should hang Out.
Speaker A:I would love to, and I probably will, like, make time eventually.
Speaker A:But if you need me for something and you say, bro, you are there, I need you to do something that's way out of your way.
Speaker A:That is like, an unbelievable favor to ask or something completely innocuous.
Speaker A: I am equally: Speaker B:You heard it here.
Speaker B:If you haven't seen Alex in a while and are having trouble with that, ask him to help you with something.
Speaker B:He'll be at your door.
Speaker A:I'm going to brb.
Speaker A:I'm going to go destroy my phone.
Speaker A:And then on the.
Speaker A:On the flip coin.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:That I coined that term on the flip coin.
Speaker A:You flip coined it.
Speaker B:I flip coined it.
Speaker A:On the flip side.
Speaker A:Flip coin.
Speaker A:On the flip coin.
Speaker A:I think that I didn't necessarily think of quality time as much as an important one.
Speaker A:And this is also true of friends.
Speaker A:I will not talk to someone or see them for two years, and then the next time I see them, it's like no time has passed.
Speaker A:But people need to know this about me or they start to think that I just, like, fell out of the friendship.
Speaker A:And that never is the case.
Speaker A:But you called me out on it early in the relationship where you're like, we need a date night.
Speaker A:Not, you need to take me out to dinner and buy me a meal and, like, spend a bunch of money not receiving gifts.
Speaker A:Just, we need a date night.
Speaker A:I need you to text me throughout the day.
Speaker A:I need to be able to know that you'll pick up the phone and I'll talk to you multiple times a day.
Speaker A:That all falls under quality time for you.
Speaker B:100%.
Speaker B:I had to learn that 100% because.
Speaker B:Yeah, that was something that was not in your love language.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:What do you think is.
Speaker B:What would you say is my love language to you?
Speaker B:Because I have my own idea of what it is, but I'm curious what you do.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker B:Yeah, my love language toward you.
Speaker B:I mean, I'm curious if it's the same as what I think means.
Speaker A:I would put it under physical touch, but because, like, you are the cuddliest, most warm person on that front.
Speaker A:I think physical touch, but I'm curious to know if that's because you want it or because you're offering it.
Speaker A:Because it also feels like you're asking for it.
Speaker A:And so I'm curious to know from you, are you asking for it because you're offering.
Speaker B:I'm offering it.
Speaker A:You're offering it.
Speaker B:That is absolutely one of my love languages.
Speaker A:So I have a note.
Speaker A:I have a note.
Speaker A:For you.
Speaker A:Normally, when you offer physical touch, you beckon.
Speaker A:You're like, come here.
Speaker A:Come give me a hug.
Speaker A:And this is something I've told you.
Speaker A:Like, if you want to give me a hug, come give me a hug.
Speaker A:That is expressing the love language.
Speaker B:I do that too.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker B:Yeah, do more of it.
Speaker A:Well, no, you do do more of it, but this was one you had to learn where you were like, come give me a hug.
Speaker A:Come do this.
Speaker A:Come do.
Speaker A:And I was like, well, if you are, like, offering this, you gotta bring it.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:So physical touch, and then, I don't know, there's gifts.
Speaker A:I kind of want to say words of affirmation, but it's my thought.
Speaker B:Yes, it is.
Speaker A:Because you talk just as much shit.
Speaker B:Yeah, but I may talk shit, but I also validate a ton and.
Speaker B:And validate.
Speaker B:And appreciate my appreciation for you.
Speaker B:Yeah, I totally express my appreciation and validate all the work you do.
Speaker A:That's very true.
Speaker A:I would say your words of effort are even more magnified when you're, like, pumping me up to someone else or like, talking about some job that I just did or project that I finished or something around the house or some.
Speaker A:Whatever.
Speaker A:Or even just some nerdy subject that I'm into.
Speaker A:You are always just my ultimate hype man.
Speaker A:But it doesn't always immediately translate back into the house.
Speaker B:Like, you know, I guess I could work on that a little.
Speaker A:No, no, no.
Speaker A:I'm not.
Speaker A:I'm not giving notes like you.
Speaker A:You need to.
Speaker A:I guess what I'm saying is that also is through the dynamic of whatever we have going on in the house.
Speaker A:So, you know, if we're going through something stressful or if we're not seeing each other very often because I'm, like, traveling or you're traveling, there's all the lenses or things that.
Speaker A:That go through, but anytime you're talking to someone else, there is never anything but words of.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:Not words of affirmation.
Speaker A:Yeah, words of affirmation.
Speaker A:Just.
Speaker A:You're so good at that.
Speaker B:Yeah, I feel like I'm good at it toward you, though, too.
Speaker A:100%.
Speaker A:You are amazing at words of affirmation.
Speaker A:I guess what I'm saying is you're great at it at home with me, but that only gets magnified out with other people as well.
Speaker A:And I love that.
Speaker B:Great.
Speaker A:Yeah, that's sort of you.
Speaker A:And I.
Speaker A:And I do think that the whole discussion of, like, what do you do versus what does your partner perceive that you do versus what do you want?
Speaker A:And that whole thing, it's really interesting how have you felt that over the years together?
Speaker A:Like, what have we had to overcome on that front?
Speaker A:Because I mentioned, like, oh, I had to learn this particular love language or this particular thing that you liked.
Speaker A:Have you seen it cause any specific rifts for us?
Speaker B:Well, I think that you, you're really good at picking up what I like and just going into my mind.
Speaker B:You're really good at that.
Speaker B:And I not so much with you.
Speaker B:So I think I run up against, oh, like, I know what I want and I, I know what I want to give you.
Speaker B:But getting into your world and being like, oh, no, this is what Alex needs and wants right now, that has caused a problem for us.
Speaker A:I really would love to say that.
Speaker A:Like, that's on you and you should work on that.
Speaker A:But you are not the only person close to me who has said that.
Speaker B:Well, hey, I'm easy.
Speaker B:I'm an open book.
Speaker A:You are not an open book.
Speaker A:You are an open book that has had all the pages cut out.
Speaker A:The pages have been scanned in and they have been glued to a wall and.
Speaker A:And they have been put online in a Facebook album, and they're now on your phone in a convenient app that sends you reminders.
Speaker B:You're a fucking locked up.
Speaker A:I'm a wizard spell book, baby.
Speaker B:There's a wizard spell book that is also in a briefcase that has a code on it that's also in a safe.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:That has to have, like, five different ways of accessing it.
Speaker A:That's because it's valuable.
Speaker A:What's in there?
Speaker A:It's so valuable.
Speaker B:I don't know if this is love language, but I have realized for this is more like when I'm upset.
Speaker B:Does this have anything to do with love language?
Speaker B:When I'm upset, I just want hugs and cuddles and words of affirmation when you're upset, you want me to disappear and you want to, like, be by yourself and go for a walk.
Speaker A:But you know what's really interesting about that?
Speaker A:The things you want when you're upset are not in your top two love languages that you wanna receive.
Speaker B:What do you mean?
Speaker A:Well, you said your favorite ones are quality time and acts of service, but when you're mad, you want physical touch to be fair.
Speaker A:And words of affirmation, that's sort of fascinating.
Speaker A:Like, that's worth taking a look at.
Speaker A:That is you, like, change into a different thing that you expect when you're in a different mood.
Speaker A:And I'm curious now to look at myself and go, is that true?
Speaker A:For me too.
Speaker B:Yours is quality time.
Speaker B:But solo.
Speaker B:You want focused, dedicated time apart.
Speaker A:That is not a love language.
Speaker B:No, it's not.
Speaker A:No, it is not.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I think one of the biggest hurdles is just figuring out how to read you.
Speaker A:Well, you also.
Speaker A:We discovered what the love languages are that you offer.
Speaker A:We still haven't talked about the love languages that I cherish most.
Speaker B:Oh, what do you cherish?
Speaker A:Just like, woo, Open book over there.
Speaker B:She's like, I'm sharing away.
Speaker A:Maybe it's not that my book is locked.
Speaker A:Maybe it's just that you're so ensconced in yours.
Speaker B:Well, you're supposed to share.
Speaker B:Share with the class.
Speaker B:I even have it written down.
Speaker B:Which ones does Alex gravitate towards?
Speaker B:What do you like?
Speaker B:What are your favorite love languages?
Speaker B:Your top two?
Speaker A:Okay, I'm gonna.
Speaker A:I'm gonna make it weird because I feel like I never let anything be simple.
Speaker B:Weird.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So answer the question.
Speaker B:Just answer the question.
Speaker A:Which to which two?
Speaker A:It's a thinker.
Speaker A:I gotta.
Speaker A:I gotta talk through it because.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Oh, go.
Speaker A:No, no.
Speaker A:Say things.
Speaker A:Ask questions.
Speaker A:Probe.
Speaker B:I feel like you would like words of affirmation.
Speaker B:Do you like acts of service?
Speaker B:I don't know.
Speaker B:Like, are you an acts of service?
Speaker B:Have you been secretly missing the fact that I don't do enough acts of service for you?
Speaker A:No, I think I'm.
Speaker B:Physical touch.
Speaker A:I mean, that's the thing is we all want all five, right?
Speaker B:It's true.
Speaker A:And that maybe that's not true of everybody.
Speaker A:Maybe you're sitting out there and you're like, no, don't touch.
Speaker A:Touch me or whatever.
Speaker B:There are people like that.
Speaker A:But you and I both, in our way, very much appreciate all five.
Speaker A:But gifts, there's a couple that we appreciate on their surface value of like, anything that's done that way, I love.
Speaker A:And then there's ones where it's like, I like it when you do that in this particular way.
Speaker B:Like, you love when I cook for you.
Speaker A:I love when you cook for me.
Speaker A:I'm also just as happy to cook.
Speaker A:I love cooking too.
Speaker A:So it's not like you cook for me.
Speaker A:And that is an act of service that you're, you know, wifing and doing.
Speaker B:Just answer the question.
Speaker B:Which two?
Speaker A:I love acts of service.
Speaker A:I love words of affirmation, even though I don't usually say it.
Speaker B:I know that you love words of affirmation.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:But not everyone knows that, you know, that.
Speaker A:You've.
Speaker B:You haven't said it to me, but I can tell.
Speaker B:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:You can see me just.
Speaker B:You light up.
Speaker B:You light up like, oh, baby, you did such a good job.
Speaker B:And it's just like, really, guys need.
Speaker A:That, though, because here's the thing.
Speaker A:If you're a decent man, and not all of them are, but most of them are, there's a lot of decent men out there who are considered cold or emotionless or just whatever.
Speaker A:Nine times out of 10, there is this thing that a guy feels of like, I must provide.
Speaker A:I must live up to an expectation.
Speaker A:Whether it's set by the wife or by them or by the parents or by society, it doesn't matter.
Speaker A:Guys have this perceived burden to accomplish or achieve or do something that they don't want to necessarily take credit for if they feel like they've hit the mark, or even if they feel like they've approached the mark.
Speaker A:So anytime that they are told that, it's been observed that the work and effort that they put in, like, you melt a guy with that, you turn him into a puddle.
Speaker B:Words of affirmation.
Speaker B:Give your man words of affirmation, even if he says he doesn't want them.
Speaker A:It is also the easiest thing to actually give.
Speaker B:It's true.
Speaker A:But sometimes the hardest thing to overcome the mental barriers for.
Speaker A:Because I feel like as people, if you have a conflict in your relationship, you're sitting there going, well, I.
Speaker A:You just have all this mental garbage.
Speaker A:You know what I mean?
Speaker A:You've got all this stuff sitting in your space that is preventing you from simply going up to them and going, well, you know what you did that I really liked.
Speaker A:Or don't even say that I really like.
Speaker A:Just say, I'm proud of you for this.
Speaker A:Yes, I noticed that you.
Speaker A:That.
Speaker A:Yes, I appreciated that you.
Speaker A:Blah.
Speaker B:In fact, I feel like that should be something that you do to each other on the daily, like, make it part of your.
Speaker A:We do.
Speaker A:I feel like that's kind of ingrained now.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:But I don't know that everybody does.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:No, I'm.
Speaker B:I'm saying that it's probably that would be good for people to kind of add into your routine.
Speaker A:It's free.
Speaker B:It's free.
Speaker A:It doesn't cost anything to be nice.
Speaker A:Take that one way outside of relationships.
Speaker A:It doesn't cost anything to be nice.
Speaker B:It's kind of the, what are you grateful for?
Speaker B:But more, what are you grateful for from your person.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Or even just what did you notice?
Speaker B:Yeah, what did you notice?
Speaker A:Usually you're not spending your time noticing all the flaws and terrible things about someone.
Speaker A:So if you ask, like, what did you know you can do both.
Speaker A:Well, we found the line.
Speaker A:We're gonna back up, back into the dreamland to just stay here, find something about your loved one.
Speaker A:And again, this could be your son, your daughter, your wife, your husband, your mom, your dad, your cousin, your sister, your brother, your best friend, your neighbor.
Speaker A:Tell them what you're grateful for today, your car.
Speaker A:Tell em what you appreciate about them.
Speaker A:It's free.
Speaker A:Takes five extra minutes of your life.
Speaker A:They'll love it, you'll love it.
Speaker A:The world will be a better place.
Speaker B:I agree.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Preach.
Speaker A:Are we doing anything else here?
Speaker A:Are we?
Speaker A:Yeah, what else are we doing?
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker B:I thought it would be fun if we end off with a date idea, a fun date idea.
Speaker B:And I thought of one that we did.
Speaker B:It was free and it was fun.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:And that is blanket fort.
Speaker B:We were living in a tiny apartment and I think it was my idea because as a kid one of my favorite things was I would create these elaborate blanket forts through our hallway.
Speaker B:And I would get all the sheets and blankets and chairs.
Speaker A:You made a bunch of them.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker A:Cause I did the same thing with like couch pillows and like bed pillows.
Speaker A:I didn't do as much of the blankets, but I remember as much of the, like, sheets.
Speaker A:Yeah, but I remember when we.
Speaker A:Whenever we got crazy and decided to do that, we spent like the whole weekend, right.
Speaker B:I mean, not making it, but we kept it up for a long time.
Speaker A:We did.
Speaker A:We probably kept it up for a.
Speaker B:Week, I think so.
Speaker B:But it took maybe a couple hours to make.
Speaker A:But we went.
Speaker A:We went kind of because we were adult at that point.
Speaker A:It was no more like just around that shit we did.
Speaker A:I think I went on Pinterest and I found some stuff.
Speaker A:And so we ended up like getting twine and making string.
Speaker A:Like not pillars.
Speaker A:What do you call them?
Speaker A:We were just like basically creating lines from the bookshelf to the couch to the couch.
Speaker A:And then we would drape the sheets over that so it created this big.
Speaker B:Like diagonal, like a.
Speaker B:Like a.
Speaker B:Like a bohemian tent with twinkle lights intertwined.
Speaker A:And the bookshelf, the.
Speaker A:In the bookshelf was the wall and the inner wall, and then the sheet was the outer wall.
Speaker B:And we had a record player on the bookshelf.
Speaker B:So inside all these cushions on the floor, we.
Speaker B:We had friends come over that night and we had a game night and drank wine in the blanket for.
Speaker B:In the blanket for.
Speaker A:We have videos of all of this.
Speaker B:We do.
Speaker B:It was so much fun.
Speaker B:But like, we need to do that again.
Speaker B:The cats loved It.
Speaker B:They loved it too much.
Speaker A:I think we have so much video of all of these random experiences that we talk about.
Speaker A:We should probably throw it up somewhere.
Speaker A:So it's like, hey, if we talk about the crazy blanket for it thing, it is up.
Speaker B:It's on YouTube.
Speaker A:Boom.
Speaker A:It's on YouTube.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker A:We're gonna find somehow to link it here.
Speaker A:I don't know how this works, but look somewhere.
Speaker A:Show notes or YouTube description, whatever.
Speaker A:Find the blanket for it stuff.
Speaker B:I think that's a fun date idea.
Speaker B:You don't have to just be a child to do a blanket for it.
Speaker A:Don't knock it.
Speaker A:You don't need a million things if you have a small living space and all you've got is the couch, the bed easier and a chair.
Speaker A:Like, just get some extra sheets.
Speaker A:Get some.
Speaker A:Get some blankets if you've got to have enough to make one, whether it's a small one or a big one.
Speaker B:And get those twinkle lights that just.
Speaker B:You don't need to plug in.
Speaker B:They just take batteries.
Speaker A:Totally.
Speaker A:But realize you're an adult now.
Speaker A:So if you're going blanket for it, don't just do the one that's on the floor.
Speaker A:Like, take it to the next level.
Speaker A:It's so much fun.
Speaker A:Grab a glass of wine while you're doing it and make it just this cozy little getaway right inside your house.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Yeah, it did feel like a getaway.
Speaker A:It totally did.
Speaker B:Staycation.
Speaker A:You know what?
Speaker A:I'm also realizing?
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:I did not tell you what my one year.
Speaker A:We didn't tell anyone what my one year anniversary was.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:And it was so good.
Speaker A:It was.
Speaker B:Well, you know, we can start next week's.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Tune in for the next episode to hear what I did for our one year anniversary gift.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Okay, so that wraps up today's episode.
Speaker A:That's right.
Speaker A:And remember, it's early in our podcast here.
Speaker A:We're just still getting our footing, but we really, really, really want to hear from other people.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker B:Yeah, I want.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:If you have any questions or ridiculous dating stories or any stories that you want to share, please email us at.
Speaker A:Those married idiotsmail.com advice, questions, stories, any of it.
Speaker A:We love it.
Speaker A:We want to hear from you.
Speaker A:Send us stuff.
Speaker A:Otherwise, you're just gonna have to keep listening to our stories and we only have like a bajillion of them.
Speaker B:No, but really, those married idiotsmail.com we did it.
Speaker B:We did it.
Speaker B:Wait, baby.
Speaker B:Let's make a blanket for tomorrow.
Speaker B:Snow day.
Speaker B:No blanket fort.
Speaker A:No blanket.
Speaker A:Under no circumstances.
Speaker A:Good night, everybody.
Speaker B:We're gonna make a blanket for it.
Speaker B:Blanket for our time.
